The Problem with Parties
by crematosis
Summary: LxLight At Soichiro's birthday party, one of Light's relatives starts hitting on L. Light is in hysterics while hilarity ensues.


A/N: I've been reading a lot of mangas lately...yaoi of course. I got part of this idea from "Mister Mistress" which is one of my favorites. The line about "I'm shy about sex. Will you teach me?" came from said manga. And then I decided what L would do about it.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the charactrers except Megumi and Nakana. I made them.

L sighed and gazed morosely into the mirror at his gelled hair. "Do I really have to wear my hair like this?"

"Yes, you do," Light said firmly. "You usually look like you just rolled out of bed. You have to look nice for the party."

"You know I dislike parties," L muttered.

"Well, this is a very important party, okay? It's my dad's birthday party."

"Does this party have to be thrown at our house?" L sighed unhappily. 'We'll be cleaning up all the streamers and confetti for days. You know I also dislike cleaning."

"Shut up," Light growled. "Dad just wants to see out house. Can you be nice to him for just one night? You know I care about my dad."

"I suppose," L said resignedly.

"Good. Now, change out of those ratty pants and put on the new ones I picked out for you, okay?"

"I suppose," L sighed.

"Quit that. You're being such a drama queen. I'm going to get everything ready. You better be dressed in half an hour."

L rolled his eyes after Light departed. He picked up the brand new pair of slacks Light had bought him between two fingers and eyes them critically. "Tight pants, socks, shoes, a tie, and neatly combed hair," L lamented. "I am certainly going through quite a bit of trouble for Light's father. This party ought to be a good one to make up for my discomfort. I hope there's lots of cake."

With the hope of cake, L's mood brightened. Reluctantly, he dressed himself in the attire Light had chosen and took extra care to look almost as perfectly dressed as Light. Almost. Only Light could ever look that pristine. But he would try, for Light's sake.

When L emerged from the bedroom, Light was hurriedly setting up party decoration with Mrs. Yagami and Sayu's help. Light ordered L to stay out of the way while he finished. Finally, Light's obsessive desire for neatness was satisfied and L could help with the final finishing touches that didn't require neatness: throwing confetti across the room.

Then, L was relegated to sit in a chair in the corner of the room while Light greeted various aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents that showed up. Light explained L off as a "sick houseguest". But L told himself he could endure all of this abuse as long as he could have cake. He was eyeing the large chocolate cake sitting in the kitchen waiting for Mr. Yagami's arrival. Any moment now, the cake would be his.

"Umm…is this seat taken?" came a small, feminine voice.

L tore his eyes away from the cake and stared at the slim teenage girl standing before him. She looked about Light's age, but she was much taller and rather tan.

"You may sit beside me if you wish," L murmured. He resumed watching the cake.

"Oh…well, I'm Megumi. I'm Soichiro Yagami's second cousin twice removed."

"Pleased to meet you," L murmured. He glanced down at his feet and wished he could sit in his normal position.

Megumi seemed put off by the lack of eye contact and she quickly made a hasty apology and darted off to socialize with her relatives.

Finally, Mr. Yagami arrived and eating commenced. L carefully socialized with Light's relatives, explaining how he had a headache and preferred to sit in the corner by himself with his slice of cake. Most people were contented with that and left L alone after inquiring concernedly if he needed any medicine. However, Megumi was not most people.

Light watched from across the room as Megumi stumbled over to L, obviously drunk. As he approached, to pry Megumi away from L, he heard Megumi sobbing to L about how she never had a boyfriend and really wanted one.

"I really am not the best person to be mentioning this to," L said awkwardly. "I am not boyfriend material."

"But-but, you seem like a nice guy," Megumi whimpered. "I'm really shy about sex. Will you teach me?"

Light was floored right then and there. Someone else in his family found L attractive? After his dad had complained about Light's odd taste in partners, his own distant relative also liked L. Maybe it was the nice clothes. But wait…wait, Light was supposed to be mad! The girl was hitting on his boyfriend.

L glanced at Light and then stood. "Yes, Megumi. I will be glad to educate you about sex." He took her hand.

"Wait, L, what the hell are you doing?" Light demanded in a low hiss.

"I'm taking this young lady to our bedroom," L responded coolly.

"What? You-you can't do that! What about me?"

"Raito-kun, you do not have to sound so worried. You can watch if you would like."

Megumi giggled. "Light's gonna watch us?"

"If he wishes to." L glanced back over his shoulder impassively. "Coming, Raito-kun?"

Megumi burst into a fit of laughter. "Haha, coming. Sounds so gay."

Light gave her a dirty look and Megumi trailed off uncertainly.

L led her into the bedroom. "Please close the door after you," L instructed Light.

Light could almost feel tears welling in his eyes. "Please, L, don't do it. I'm sorry for making you get all dressed up, okay?"

"It is far too late for that," L said crisply. He reached over and turned off the lights. "Here, Megumi, come onto the bed," L instructed in the darkness.

Light sobbed. "No, don't do it. Please!" He squeezed his eyes shut in agony.

Light heard a whirring sound like window shades being drawn and a startled gasp from Megumi. He tentatively opened his eyes and he too gasped at what he saw.

L had rigged up an overhead projector in their bedroom and was now showing clips of the female anatomy on a large screen. L held a pointer delicately as he pointed to the pictures. 'We shall start from the very beginning. Women differ from men in several respects, namely-"

"Are you for real?" Megumi blurted, looking outraged.

"Yes, I am," L said calmly. "Megumi asked to be educated about sex and so I am obliging her."

"I learned all this crap in kindergarten," Megumi muttered, tottering to her feet. "I'm so out of here. It's not funny to lead a girl on like that."

L flipped the lights back on and stood in the middle of the room, looking confused. "What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing," Light said in a quavering voice. He wrapped his arms around L and sobbed into his shoulder. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, L. How could I ever have doubted you?"

L blinked in surprise. "You're apologizing for forcing me to wear this uncomfortable outfit, right?"

"Yes," Light wailed.

L patted Light's back. "It will be fine, Raito-kun. I forgive you. I know exactly how you can make it up to me."

Light pulled back slightly and looked at L suspiciously. "How?"

L smiled. "With your body."

"Huh? W-wait…no, not there!" Light yelped as the light suddenly went off and L began tearing off his best shirt.

"Ah, to be rid of these stiff clothes," L said happily.

Light whimpered as L pushed him back onto the bed and climbed on top of him. "I do not know why Raito-kun was so upset that I was talking to his cousin. Was Raito-kun jealous?"

"She was hitting on you," Light growled, trying to wiggle out from under L.

L frowned, but Light couldn't see that in the darkness. "She is just a young girl, curious about life."

"She's my age, you fucker! You treated her like a kid and that pissed her off."

"She asked me to teach her."

"She was expecting a hands-on demonstration. Really, you are too smart to be this naïve."

"And Raito-kun assumed I was going along with her plan." L didn't bother to keep his disapproval out of his voice.

"Yes," Light said in a small voice.

"Well, then. You will have to repay me for dressing me up and for jumping to conclusions. I predict that you will be very sore tomorrow, Raito-kun."

Light sighed. "I guess I deserve it."

"Yes, you certainly do."

Two hours later, L and Light finally rejoined the party.

"There you are!" Soichiro exclaimed. "Your great-aunt Nakana wanted a tour of your house, and we were going to have you take her around, but you disappeared."

"I apologize," L murmured. 'Raito-kun was taking care of his hygiene needs." L neglected to inform him that this consisted of Light swearing vigorously at L as he tried to wash off all evidence of sex.

Light glared at L and walked over to his great-aunt, pasting a welcoming smile on his face.

Soichiro noticed that his son had acquired a slight limp, but he wisely decided that on his birthday, he really didn't want to know.


End file.
